::distort:: / Saturday, March 31, 2007
i do everything for a reason. and why i only have friends invite now, is because i can't take hurt. and sometimes, its just better private and sharing it more with my best friends.
sometimes, i look inside the mirror, and i feel so distorted. am i? is the mirror actually reflecting who i am? because i don't like what i see? WHAT AM I? i various-faces-too-sensitive freak? people hate me, and i don't know if i should blame them or not.
what can i do, if i'm just being myself and you people can't stand it. people hate me. and i don't know why. i've been trying hard to fit in [whatever reason why i cannot fit in this year] but i don't know what annoys them.
am i seriously annoying or just plain dumb. both. i can't act smart, because then you people would think i'mjust trying to act smart-alec so i keep quiet [since nothing is appreciated]. and because i keep quiet, you people think that i'm that non-contributing freak. who's blerdy dumb.
what can i do??
i help you out, and you say i'm just being extra. and if i don't help you because i don't hear any thank you, you say i'm rude and hard-hearted. what do you want me to do? i can't be perfect. nobody can, i try hard to compromise and let my actions be taken-well. but what can i do if you all misread it? if you all see it from another view, is it my fault that i did not convey the message well or is it that you people read too deep?
you think whatever i do is for my own selfish desire?!i've been trying to put the hard feelings aside, and yes, apparently i did. i don't bitchfest about any of them anymore.
forgive and forget, motto of the year. but then...i get hurt. because i forgive them, i don't bear hard feelings, once they start talking about me, i get hurt.
because seriously, i'm just trying to be well-liked. i just need you all to at least like me a little bit. am i that bad? am i really annoying? can you all tell me? because i can't take it anymore. i've been holding it inside me for the first 3-4 months, just asking myself why things started off so badly.
comforting myself that it would change for the better. have faith, ryl. have faith. why do people hate other people so much. why must they have subjective opinions on them. and without evidence? people just go, i don't like that girl. she's so stuck-up.
i mean really, if you have given her a chance, maybe she'll be nicer. don't lie. why?
why?
why am i like that? am i really irritating? why, if so many people hate me, what's the use of being on earth, where you aren't appreciated at all?everyday i wear a mask over my face. sometimes this face is vieled. the mask: on it wears a fake smile. i smile so much till my cheeks age. the smile is fake. and the veil, is to hide me -so that no-one can find me.
sometimes i wish i was born with no gene of hurt and sadness, it does too much damage to your sould. and you always wishh you could die. maybe you already had, the world and yourself crumbling into pieces..and sometimes, you wish your heart was made of steel. armour protecting it against hurt and pain. so that no piercing words like needles would prick you. so that you would bleed...
to death.goodbye cruel world. i have enough already. just stop, alright.
/ihopped at
4:33 AM
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::fast:: / Sunday, March 25, 2007
i''ll make this fast and flashy(maybe not) cos i have to sleep and i have a lonnnnggg day ahead.
i know this is a bit late, but LD CAMP WAS A BLAST!! thanks to all the sec2s for making it so wonderfull!
and learning journey was not bad lahh. it was quite cool. :)) i wrote a letter to my ldbuddy liao, but i have no idea which class tray to post it to, cos she didn't say. SAD! but nvm, my angel's gonna write soon. sooo looking forward. :))
and i wrote a letter to nat. but haven't posted it yet cos like i think it's super cheesy, and also, i don't know a class. haha! :))
oh yeah. 110's been kindduf having inner conflicts. but i won't talk so much on that. i just wanna say [to someone] that i'm really really sorry if i have offended you or whatsover. i just want to forgive and forget, k? anyway, if you think this friendship has officially ended. i just want to say that thanks for being a gr8 friend, once.
yepp. :))
and somehow many seniors has found my blog. so it's super scary. haha! but the seniors i know are super nice. so they better don't try to be funny here. or i'll condemn them with the rest of my life. nayy!
reply to tags.another ldsenior [whoever that is]: hellos! ld seniors are niccee! but i don't know yang yang. IS SHE IN LD too? hmm, if she is. then i think it must be those people who watch hana kimi. cheriel and violet lahh.
angie!: KYAAAHH! dahling angel tagged! thankews! nvm about the crushing lahh. WRITE TO ME SOON KAYES? i've been waiting for a letter! i know you always go out with miin and evan lahh, andrea always tell me. lololx! :)) shall go shopping with you someday...invite me out! <333 you lots
surayoo: hello. i know you have a blog too. except that i don't tag. and because i know your blog, there's like super duper many links. i know the rests too! haha! cya in ld! :))ldsenior: heyos! okayy, you like my blog cos it doesn't float. haha, that's interesting. cos people normally don't like blogs because of the blogskin. haha, but thanks anyway. :)) <333 ya, whoever you are...:))
steffi:): otherwise known as steffina! oooohh! i finally realised. i guess we're both SSSSLLLOOOOWWW. hahaha. but oh wells! <333>
/ihopped at
6:36 AM
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::replyy:: / Sunday, March 18, 2007
reply to tags:
andy: i'm using orange for your name! haha! but DUH, of course i won't want to do either. yupp, both stinks. ack.
steffi: buh-luu it shall be! cute creature! :)) those tags were hilarious, serious! actually i'm not sure which steffi you are. but SSSHHH!
jinyin: it's pink. hah. and hello to you too! :))
i'm very wuliao. taggg moreee!
/ihopped at
7:22 PM
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::hear me rawr:: / Friday, March 16, 2007
quizz!
teacher once said to me...
you're impressive, i'll consider you an all-rounder [from ny~i'm so proud of myself!]
Never in my life have I regretted...
putting elds as my first choice! [howeverrr, i so regret taking the dare. eff]
The one person who can drive me nuts, but then can always make me smile..
sarahh! and deedee! and shiyin!
When I'm nervous, I say...
wo yao si le...and get real bad stomach aches.
The last time I laughed was...
with shiyin. reall funny. and i can't remember what we laughed about.
Hair is...
frizzy! whoosh! ready to go to bed.
My feet are...
big! yay!
Last Christmas...
i gave you my heart, the very next day.... no seriously, i was singing chriistmas carols. like "white christmas" and the jazz version of "jingle bells"! so yummy!
When I turn my head left I see...
my darling printer! and my maths text.
When I turn my head right, I see...
this is not good. a whole pile of worksheets.
When I look down, I see...
parquet floor!
The craziest recent event...
ELDS CAMP!!! this is the coolest thing ever ever. and i got freaked out by ghost stories...
By this time next year...
we would be having ELDS CAMP!!! and i'd be sec2 and my batchmates would plan the camp!!
One time at a family gathering...
errr. my undergarments drop in the lift. it was hilarious. and i was 5. hah
If I won an award,the first person I would thank is...
hmmm. if i'm being emo, i'll go "fate!". but then i would actually be sniffy, and would go, "thank you for all of those who believed in me!" awww, jade...
Triangles are...
cutouts.
My ideal breakfast is...
you know what my ideal breakfast is??? to eat like a princess. grilled honey bacon and ham, with chicken chipolatta, with a bowl of century egg congee, and all different kinds of eggs [scrambled, half-boiled, sunny-side up], breadrolls, portugese egg tarts, dim sum, and endless flow of cappucinno latte!! and double chocolate fraup and lots and lots of wheatgrass juice!!
ahhhh!
Where do you plan to visit anytime soon?
nanyang! but i really want to go to europe.
i would stop my wedding if...
something bad happens. haha
The world could do without...
problems. and also, people.
I'd rather lick the belly of a cockroach than...
eat dung.
what's the most recent thing you've bought yourself...
oooh! snow ice with hershey chocolate topping. YUMMY!
Most recent thing someone else bought you...
my mum bought me portugese egg tarts and cheap good sharks fin. hah!
My least favourite time of the day...
when i get up. sheesh, i look awfull.
The last time I was high...
ELDS CAMP! woots!
The last person I talked to...
my mum
I shouldn't...
have taken the dare. and get myself into one whole lot of trouble regarding karen~~~. bleh!!!
Last night...
i worried about my piano exam which i had earlier in the day.
There's this girl I know...
who is doubly nice?
I'll tell the next person who makes me really happy...
haha!
I'm listening to...
crickets humming
I last ate...
omgg! go try! the authentic korean grapes. GAWD, it's like heaven!
My bedsheet is...
blue with daisies. it was once blue [sea] with little mermaid. i know, but it's PRETTY!
I smell...
nice and yummy! :)) cos my bath foam was orange citrus!
On my table...
a whole lot of stuff. my com, my printer, my pencil cases, my phone, dictionary, 4 paperweights, 1 shui jing!, homework, and lots and lots of unused diaries.
My full name is...
cherylfooyunnshee-who-is-a-proud-scorpio!
rawrr. i think i'm not so pissed now.
/ihopped at
6:05 AM
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i am so not in the mood for bloggging. especially SINCE there are people whom i am not personally close to [no, shiyin, i'm not talking about you] keeps on bugging me about senior crushes, and how we should keep them to ourselves.
once again, i say, i DID NOT SENIOR-CRUSH. and if you people do not let this matter rest, i shall keep posting those kind of posts i did the last two rounds.
so there.
rawr.
and so, i shall do a quiz. to loosen up
/ihopped at
6:02 AM
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JUST TO CLARIFY AGAIN. I DID NOT KAREN-CRUSH. OR WHATEVER SENIOR CRUSH.
puhleesseeee!
PLEASE STOP BUGGING ME OKKKK??
AND TO "RANDOM" SENIORS WHO DROP BY AND TAG: PLEASE STOP TAGGING IF IT HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH SENIOR-CRUSHING.
PLEASE.
I AM SERIOUSLY PISSED. DON'T EVER ASK ME THE STORY EVER AGAIN!
ARGHS. PARDON ME.
AND RADIOBLOGCLUB HAS ALSO HUNG DOWN ON ME.
RAWR. AND I SHALL REPEAT MYSELF:
I DO NOT KAREN-CRUSH. OR DO SENIOR-CRUSH. EVERYONE PUHLEESE!
/ihopped at
5:51 AM
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::afternote:: / Tuesday, March 13, 2007
i have just got back from camp. camp was great, but that would be later. just to clarify something.
afternote: I DID NOT KAREN-CRUSH. IT WAS A WHOLE JOKE. RAWR!
afterafternote: if you want to hear the story, please carry on. it was called RANDOMLY picking a senior to crush on as a DARE and write about it on my blog. this sounds really weird, but yess. i don't dooo senior crushes.
afterafterafternote: but what i can say now is that i am SOMEHOW missing sec 4's alot. they're nice people. uber-uber nice. love them to bits.
afterafterafterafternote: i planned a SURPRISE! for them. but the whole ld batch would be creditted....tell you more later. :))
/ihopped at
6:59 PM
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::lala:: / Friday, March 09, 2007
uhhuh. sa week's over, so happy. even though i know there's a high possbility that i would fail my history.
and there's a lot of homework this week. sigghs. but would hack it away! hack hack..
feeling so mixedup and diao-ish. ha
i'm lucky it's term two. sitting arrangement would change soon. muaha. okayy, maybe i shouldn't be so umm, pessimistic? oh wells.
errr..learning journey can go back to NY! woots. <33. i haven't meet my dear mrs. o yet. arh sheeesh. so many trs never meet.
oh wells. this just happen to be my favourite phrase of the week.
/ihopped at
5:11 AM
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::(blank):: / Wednesday, March 07, 2007
you know i can't deny the fact that i am sad. sad, not depressed. not depressed: the state where you feel like dying for a long long time. well, yeah.
you know why people are sad? because normally, they just can't reach a compromise and they aren't happy with the way things work themselves out.
and yepp, i'm not happy with anything right now. my seating arrangement, some people, the stress, and some other stuff which would not be said in this blog.
my seating arrangement. it's very saddening..to me. everytime, i'm just being really fake especially to xxx and yyy. like i don't know why i'm smiling, and how i actually got to force that out. their un-laughable jokes that i pretend to laugh together with. sometimes i don't see why i bother going with them, trying to make them happy.
at least i get some consolence with a few people around that area where i can really laugh and be myself.
when i "migrate" myself during that short 5 minutes period between classes, i feel really free. as if i have just been let out of the cage. i can talk to anyone i like without contorting what i really am thinking. and laughing whenever i like.
and i'm sad to say: i don't have friends.
and i'm not afraid to admit it. because it makes not much a difference. it just lifts a weight and doubt i've been carrying all along. and i finally can come to a decision. that i don't have friends.
sometimes i think i have made a wrong decision. to come to school and make "friends" that don't really exist. sometimes i think if i would be better growing up at home, self-studying, without facing anything on peer-pressure etc.
what's the point of making "friends" when such "friends" only bring you grieve, disturbance, and betrayal?
on a lighter note, i think all scorpios born on this day are cursed.
and i am speaking the truth.
but no matter what, scorpios are still nice, and mysterious.
/ihopped at
5:02 AM
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::one:: / Monday, March 05, 2007
i think i'm karen-crushing.
yes, i am karen-crushing. oh shoot. karen would kill me.
because she was the one who told me what was senior crushing.
and know i am on her.
oh shoot! i know she'll kill me. oh! the irony.
/ihopped at
12:53 AM
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yay! i'm finally blogging. because i'm bored and i've got nothing to do. so what i'm going to do is to update you all on random news:
woots! smilleee because love is all around ye! [that is considered random by the way!]
karen agreed to be my god-angel! since my angel don't write to me anymore...:(( so sad. i still love my angel lots!
arrrh! now i can't think of anything except karen.
arrh! sheesh. about karen [ke ren] there's this ke3 ren2 chinese book i have to read which is due to tomorrow and i haven't done a single thing about it.
DRAMA CAMP! i'm sooo excited. it would be so much fun. there's a CHOCOLATE race, my gawd. chocolate is my weakness. and there would be a movie marathon. she's the man! it's so funny. and ALSO we get to wake up at 8.00pm. woots
ah! and there's still xxx who have been trying to get along with me right now, however i still do not trust her. blahs.
and then there's dear darling dee dee. very very sorry to you denise! i didn't blame you and really, i shall speak to ms ong, if you really want to. sorry dee! :(( i feel so bad..
and then there's chinese zuo wen which just passed to-day. and the topic was so lame i really felt like strangling the teacher. because it's: wo3 shou4 pian4 le. darn. i wrote that for like what? 3 TIMES! and i went to memorise all the nice plots and hao ci hao ju and it came out this.
sheesh.
and i got history exam which i would DEFINITELY fail. so wells. i've got to hurry up and study.
and i got what? oh yes, library books to return and ohh man! i got xiao lian bi which i haven't done....
so tata-.
/ihopped at
12:43 AM
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::founding:: / Sunday, March 04, 2007
what does founding mean to you? that's what my old history worksheet said. and i answered in a long paragraph. which was just marked with a tick.
tick tock. tick tock. time flies as my fingers race across the keyboard. tick tock. tic..
i have no idea why i'm writing something with no theme, no topic at all. i don't know what i'm writing. my mind is just blank.
life is a blank piece of paper. write your own story. leave your own legacy.
oh wells. maybe i just realised this post is probably deep. [no it isn't!] ah yes, it's to remind me to write about founder's day in the next post. arhs. my mind is outdated and so will the post be next time. my brain probably got fried. how dumb can i get.
dumb is very subjective.
/ihopped at
2:41 AM
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sorry for all those brainless tags..done by yours truly. ha. but i promise no big chunks..so i'll seperate into different posts. :)) and i can't seem to get into the mood of blogging, but my dear blog here lies untouched, so heart-aching, SO i have to make a point to blog. which i am now.
YAWP! was seriously cooooool. ican't believe it, it's like BAM! poetry slam! WHOOSH! CLANG! so nice! it's like a poetry drama competition. which RGSS ELDS won 3rd! so coolios! it beeing one of the youngest. and it also one best original script. [issit? this sounds like the oscars!] go karen! i <33 you!
karen always make my day. karen always make my day. she's the nicest.
karen always mae my day, but xxx spoils it. siggh. and i see her for the whole school week. every hour. so duh! she's someone from my class. i won't speak about her on my blog, or it would be really crude [the blog, i mean]. filled with vulgarities to explain all her @%#^*& behaviour and such. oh wells.
YAWP! again. karen always make my day. she claims she sees things. she's a little like zhen. well, a little. oh wells. i bought 3 poetry anthologies by local poets..i wonder if i can put it in "with great pleasure" the authors are cyril wong, wong shu hong and ng yi sheng [whose a GAY ACTIVIST]. it's sickk. "you know, when you reach 26, things happen.." ackk! that's what he said in his performance.
anyway, the books are nicee. go find it in major bookstores. esp cyril's wong's which is really really sad. [frottage:wong shu hong / unmarked treasure:cyril wong / last boy:ng yi sheng]. i got their autographs and spoke to them personally. doubly cool right?!
i love karen. karen makes my day.
my SA is tomorrow and i know i'm going to die soon. because i have so many unfinished work and a whole to-do list unfinished. i have no idea how to finish it by tomorrow.
so goodbye! this is a short post i know. but well, that's the best i can do..
hack it away. slowly hack it away
/ihopped at
2:30 AM
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